how to use a riding lawn mower...

if you've ever wondered how to use one of those big, riding lawnmowers

look no further

today is your lucky day!!

First,  you have to be a lovable, mischievous toddler chunk

and climb up on that sucker all agile-like

and take control

next, recruit your partner in crime

"let's blow this joint!"

"fo' sho', let's ride!"

*make sure to smile really cheesy to throw off any adults who may be questioning your motives*

then, have said partner in crime wave to the neighbors while you downshift into 1st gear.

"hello, nuthin' to see here, what about this cloudy weather, eh???"

next, give the evil eye and throw out some digs to any onlookers

"ya? well, at least i HAVE grass..."

while ur partner glamours the approaching adult in ur way

then have your partner do parlor tricks atop the mower to wow and stun those close by

while you rev it up and floor it

finally,

get caught by the law.

but use ur chunk charms to convince him to take you for a ride on the mower, 

all the way down the street to your mailbox

so you can feel super proud of your country "hick" heritage.