sometimes

sometimes, i just miss him.

and undoubtedly when he comes back,  u get into the everyday grind and let petty things get in the way of truly being grateful and honored to have found the love of your life. 

                                of course, he's a guy, and he's so not perfect,

i mean, I am,...he just lucked out that way. *hairflip*  ;)

                                                                           BUT

                                 missing him does put things in perspective.

to let the little things go, to be of like-mind about our home, family and future. 

to remember why we fell in love. 

to realize our love is deeper now, 10 yrs later.  

to miss him is to turn emails, chat messages, and "video dates" into love letters. 
to miss him is to miss laughter, cuz NO ONE makes you laugh as hard as he does.

to miss him is a chance to remember and to realize that no one could be him. 

to miss him is to know he is the reason your heart beats. 

to miss him is to realize that the little stuff doesn't matter...and it's ALL little stuff. 

to miss him is always an eye-opener that you never want to live without him.

to miss him is to turn every song you hear, every wedding you see, every love story you watch into "us".

to miss him, is to love him.


so just try for today, whether it's talking about it, or writing you feelings, let your love know WHY you love them. It softens you heart instantly as you list all the reasons for loving that individual, and it softens them as well, hearing how much and why you love them. It creates instant, warm, tangible love between the both of you and melts away all the little unnecessary tidbits that can build up and block the way for truly loving one another.  It's not always easy to do this, but please do. our heart has so much more room than we give it credit, and it can swell with so much LOVE when we let it.

be grateful.
be humble.
be sweet.
be loving.

miss you, Bewtcut. 

self-dialogue

“It's not who you are that holds you back,

it's who you think you're not”. –author unknown

It only takes a moment.

U let the thought in…and then it spreads

It spreads

Into more thoughts and self doubt, and destructive, negative inner dialogue.

 A simple example was tonight I decided to run.

I got some excellent running shoes finally and I decided to give them a go…

I thought for sure I would be able to run at least a mile without stopping.

Wrong.

I lasted 7:36 sec before I had to walk for 30 sec.

I ended up running 1.25 mi in a horrid time and walked 2 more x's!

I instantly thought, “you suck at running, like sooooo bad.”

So I did a ton of squats, plea’s, walking lunges, and jumping squats to make up for my lack of running skills.  The whole time having negative inner dialogue about my dumb running skills.

My lack of stamina, endurance, and sheer will to push through.

I tweeted my frustration, I facebooked my frustration

All self-doubt, loathing and beating myself up.

As I was drinking my water I got sooooo drowsy and this was only minutes after I ended my workout!

Then I remembered, I went to bed at 3:30am last night and got up at 7:30am. I didn’t nap today, I’ve kept going all day long, and here i was running at 8pm at night.

Perhaps my body was just TIRED! It just simply did not have the energy it needed to sustain a good run.

That could be an excuse, but I realized I am so hard on myself all the time!!

Did I think I’d ever be a Zumba Instructor?? NO!

I just took a class, and class by class I loved it more and more until opportunity knocked where they needed a teacher and I took it!

I almost missed that opportunity by telling myself I couldn’t possibly do it,

I couldn’t possibly lead a class, or come up with routines!

And yet I do and I love it so very much!

There are so many times we discredit ourselves and we let negative self-talk define us and control us.

I have to say NO, to those thoughts from now on.

So I had a bad day, 

so I just started running, 

give yourself a break, Hillary!!

I never succeeded at my goals in life  or gotten through trials
by telling myself I couldn’t.

It succeeded by telling myself, “why not?” and “yes you can”

So if you find yourself battling negative self-talk,

Stop it.

You can just as easily let the positive, supportive, encouraging thoughts in,

They come in the same way the bad ones do.

So kick those negative thoughts out

And let all the happy, positive thoughts in!!

Cuz you CAN do it!

And someday I can be a runner.

and bounce a quarter off my booty

and I’ll just keep telling myself “you can do it”, until I get there.

fantasy vs. reality

So sometimes we’re not perfect.

Ok, most times.

And being a mother challenges our belief of who we are all the time!

My children have the ability to bring me joy I have never known

And also anger I never thought I’d have. Hahaha!

It’s fun to pretend how we would’ve acted or behaved in a situation with our kiddos

But even funner-er to realize we’re only human and that means not being perfect.

here's the set up to my scene the other day: 

I was putting laundry into the dryer when I heard Belle start crying downstairs. Here is my rendition of what happened next,

in fantasy AND realilty…

fantasy: I glided down the stairs in my vintage dress, cuz i wear dresses even whilst doing the laundry...my tippy-toes barely brushing the steps, my hair flowing perfectly behind me as I made my way over to the sad crying child on the floor

reality:  I half-stomped, half-ran down the stairs with no bra on in my pj's and my greasy hair in a messy bun

fantasy:   I scoop up Belle in my arms and say in a sing-songy voice “oh my sweet 3yr old Belle, what has happened to you dear child?”

reality: I stand there with arms crossed,  eyeing the big girls for a traces of guilt on their faces and ask, “why are you crying belle?”

fantasy: Belle tells me what happened, that Lily has pushed her stomach so I ask Lily nicely, “why did you lay your hands on your sibling? How are you feeling after seeing how much she is hurting? Are you both ok??” Let’s all hug.

reality: Belle cries, “La-lee (Lily) pushed my stomach” as she continues to roll back and forth in the fetal position.  So I whip my head around with angry eyes and say, “Lily, why did you push your sister???”  she replies, “I DIDN’T!!”

then I say, “Ya RIGHT!” (cuz apparently i go immature and lose vocabulary with my comebacks when angry)  to which she says, “I mean, I didn’t know she would fall on the ground”  to which I say, “GET ON THE WALL” (timeout)

fantasy: I quietly whisper that although we’ve hugged, Lily still needs a consequence for accidentally hurting her sister, so please go in timeout, but just for a little bit, cuz I love you and want you to keep playing with your sisters as soon as possible.

reality:  I hug Belle, wipe her tears and place her on the couch as Lily starts crying and plops down on the floor in the corner.  “NOBODY ever believes MEEEEEEEEEE” she is wailing in the most dramatic voice ever. I can’t think of anything amazing to say so I say, “ya well, OH WELL” and head back upstairs as she starts bawling more, cuz obviously her life is so hard and frustrating. Psshhh.  And thennnnn 25min later I hear her voice call to me upstairs, “Mommy, can I get up now?”  OOPS I forgot she was in timeout. Awesome.

flower poem

Flowers sit upon my table

Flowers made by me

Each one so pretty and unique

Their petals bright I see

calm and peaceful

wild and rugged

beautiful and free

I didn’t pick them,

They were planted here

By a God who knew me perfectly

The joy this bunch brings to my home

Was always meant to be

For these flowers that sit upon my table

Were flowers made by me…

-hillary

K, so poem wasn’t really about flowers, aaaand I haven’t written a poem since I was in braces, in my teens. *highfive*

waterworks

somedays you just have to get out of the house (especially when ur hubby is deployed)

to remind yourself that your children are not disobedient heathens out to destroy your clean home

but just kids

and kids always have the mostest fun, just being simply who they are...

and enjoying simple pleasures like water spraying you in the summertime.

I love that we have a park closeby with a "splash pad".

there's no pool so i don't have to worry about any of them drowning or getting out of my reach/view when I'm alone with them. I save the actual water/pool park for when Bewtcut is home.

They can just run through all these wonderful waterworks and they have an absolute blast!!

it's hard for any suit really, to contain this juiciness

i can just see these 2 when they're older:

"can you believe that chic wore the same swimsuit as you?"

"oh my gosh, i knowwwww, riiiiiight?"

when i'm having a bad day, i need to remember to send my kids out to play so they can be fairies in the yard and melt my heart.

or take them to get wet in the summertime and watch them be so happy and playful

which in turn made me happy and playful..

and grateful.

I'm so glad for each and every one of them...i'm pretty dang lucky.

sunday treat: Strawberry-Lime Shortcakes w/Coconut Cream

i remember i mentioned this delectable dessert on 4th of July

oh my, let freedom ring...in my mouth.

so here is the recipe!

you can always buy a pre-made pound cake at the store

but making it from scratch only makes it that much more glorious!

*i would double everything, it's too good to run out* ;)

Sour Cream Pound Cake:

1-1/2 C flour

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

1/2 C butter, softened

1 C sugar

3 eggs, room temp

2 tsp vanilla

1/2 C sour cream

Preheat oven to *350.  In a small bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, and salt and set aside.  Beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about one minute.  Continue beating and add eggs one at a time.  Add the vanilla and sour cream.  Slowly add the flour mixture while beating, and beat just until combined.

Pour the batter into a greased 8 or 9in loaf pan and bake for 50-60min or until a skewer comes out clean. Cool for 10min and then remove from pan.

Strawberries:

4 C sliced fresh strawberries

1/2 C granulated sugar

4 Tbsp fresh-squeezed lime juice (about 2 limes)

3/4 C toasted coconut

Coconut Whipped Cream:

1 C heavy whipping cream

1/2 C powdered sugar

2 tsp coconut extract

1 tsp vanilla

Toasted Coconut:

Preheat oven to *375.  Spread desired amount of sweetened coconut onto a cookie sheet.  Place in the oven and cook for about 2-5min depending on how much you're doing.  It's important to stir often, about ever 30sec, especially when it starts to brown.  The coconut will be dry and lightly browned.

Mix sliced strawberries, sugar and lime juice.  Stir well and set aside.  Stir occasionally for about 15min. You want the sugar to dissolve to form a light syrup.

For the Coconut Whipped Cream, pour cream into a bowl and beat with an electric mixer for about one minute.  Slowly add powdered sugar and both extracts.  Continue beating until soft peaks form.

Slice cake and spoon layer of strawberries and lime syrup on top.  Top with a generous dollop of whipped cream and sprinkle with toasted coconut.

Enjoy!!

fairies are REAL...

ever wonder if fairies are real?

my kids have always liked Tinkerbell,

but lately they've been taking the love of all things fairy outside and imagining

being fairies themselves and going to each flower and tree and bush

using their "talents" as different fairies to help the earth grow.

fairies are fast and beautiful and hard to catch...

Piper (6yr old)

asked me last night

"mommy, do you believe in fairies?"

I answered, "sure!"

her eyes lit up and said, "I saw them today!! There were sparkles on Lily's wings and there were thousands of fairies!!
 I really saw them!"

I wish i could freeze time and bottle up all their sweet, innocent make-believe wishes

and watching them run around the yard really feeling like a fairy

"pretending"/believing they have a fairy in their hand and putting it in a special spot in their room to sleep...

How can you not believe in fairies?

I surely see some right before my eyes...

randomness

Summertime is lazy time. Lazy days playing outside, watching too much T.V.

eating entirely too much popcorn.

and shaved ice

and when it turns cloudy and rainy on such summer days

you learn how to be a glutton

and

gorge on potato chips with ur mother

i learn 'em reaaaaal good ya'all.

or get into wrestling matches with your father,

before he goes for his run...

nevermind dr's and lawyers

we're grooming our daughters to be buffer than most men and win

WWF championships

although,

cloudy days do make pretty sunsets.

summer days help us throw caution to the wind

and get ready for a date night

BEFORE 

you have a babysitter lined up.

real smart blondie, 

that means you end up NOT going out

cuz there's no one to watch your 500 kids.

but i don't get mad...

i get even

or just my way

and I'll be going out tonight to make up for yesterday's disappointment.

all dressed up and couldn't go...boo.

Happy Wife...Happy Life, I say. ;)

oh, and i made a new blog header. 

bam.

Independence Day

Did you have a Happy Independence Day??

I hope SO!

We enjoyed the 4th of July with yummy BBQ and fireworks!

i somehow forgot to take pics of the dinner spread

it was fantastical.

Look at these patriotic lil' nuggets.

Miss Pres just "chunk trotting" around waiting for some fireworks action

the littles being Grandpa Northrop's shadow on his way back over to Aunt Lori's house :)

Lily helping Aunt Lori garden after dinner.

Don't you hoe around before fireworks start? i presumed so.

Piper isn't exactly patiently waiting for the fireworks to start.

or perhaps this is how she loves hard allll day long to this poor Chunk.

perhaps...

he likes to carry his long hose around 

that must be how he got his strong arms, psshh

Someone didn't like the fireworks at the beginning...ahem.

Bewtcut helping Piper w/ some aerial fireworks that were very LOUD...sorry neighbors! 

Waz a holiday without a little TREAT??

Strawberry-Lime Shortcakes w/ Coconut Cream

yes. please.

*recipe to come later.*

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and were able to enjoy it with good friends/family, 

good food, and a grateful heart.

So thankful to live in the U.S.A!!

Land of the Free

Home of the Brave.